why are you not talking to me
You are here: 11 reasons people don't like you, and 3 ways to win them now If you find that you identify with any of the qualities below, I could explain why you're not making it as fast as you want. for VIP contributor. I've had the opportunity to meet, my business partner in, for the last year. In this short time, I have seen your social media accounts pass from 50,000 followers to over 300,000 and read their features in huge publications like Forbes, Inc., Huffington Post, and many other places, all of which are appointing Leonard one of the best marketing influencers and personal brand experts there. Leonard sat with me and taught me all the things he needed to know to get out and market in the digital world. I was always wondering what Leonard really separated from the rest of the package. How could your audience grow so big, so fast? I asked Leonard, "What is it that people are doing wrong? During our discussion, he shared the main things you shouldn't do. Naturally, I felt compelled to share. If you find that you identify with any of the qualities below, I could explain why you're not making it as fast as you want. According to Leonard, these are the 11 reasons people don't like you:1. You're selfish There are people out there who only care for themselves, people can feel that. When you're all about yourself, people will avoid you. There's a good line between motivation and selfishness. You may be motivated to succeed, but you don't have to be selfish in the process.2. You don't listen People want to tell their own stories. If you're not listening to what the other person has to say, they won't want to hear what you have to say either. Give people the time of day, and actually listen to what they're saying. When you don't listen to people, you can't figure out what they already know and what interests them. Leonard is a good listener and attributes much of his success to this simple task. 3. You start with self-promotion Have you ever met someone who jumped directly into their sales field? "Oh hello, my name is Johnny Talks and I am the author of How to Lose Friends and Offend People, I have my book here, would you like me to sign it for you?" And you're like, "Oh, who is this guy? I just met him and he's already selling me!" The result of too much self-promotion is actually the opposite of your intentions, rather than being interested in your projects, people don't want to talk to you at all.4. Jump to the little conversationEach conversation is built from a small base of conversation. How's the weather? Or, "How is your day going?" You want to meet people, and the best way to do this is to build a link and/or early connection. You have to start somehow. When you skip the little chat and get straight into the business details, people think, "Whoa, what did you just hit me with?" Don't skip everything that could create affinity between you and the other person. Build comfort and familiarity by starting with a small talk, and meet people before anything else.5. You ask favorsWhen you ask favors the first time you know someone, they might be inclined to do it because you are putting them in place. However, when you start talking to more successful people, that approach will not work. They have a lot to do, and they don't know who you are. Let's say I said, "Jackie, can you interview me for this?" and I just met Jackie for the first time. Jackie's gonna say, "Who in the world are you? I don't know you. She's thinking, "We haven't built a connection yet. Fuck that. Period.6. You never give anything now, this is what there is: a lot of people like to drink, drink, drink. Guess who else takes, take, take? The Grinch. And when the Grinch arrives, guess what do you bring for Christmas? Nothing. When you start a relationship and don't add value to it, you're starting without building a foundation. Your structure will crumble, and the person will no longer deal with you. Of course, your relationship can last a week or two, but it's going to hesitate, weakens and eventually collapses. Then you will be ignored and you will never hear from them again. 7. You just talk to people when you need something.Have you ever had a friend you haven't heard for a while, and they call you when their car breaks down or when they're done writing their bank account? These are the same friends who see themselves on social networks partying with people, however they were never invited. These are the people who only call you when they need something. They know they can use you and get you something. If you're like that, guess what? Nobody's gonna want to deal with you. You're just calling them when you're in the middle of a really bad time, and never during your good times. Once people find out about this, their reputation goes down the channel.8. You're Arrogant Have you ever gotten on someone and soon you realized they have an arrogant and arrogant vibe over them? Did you feel they were intimidating? Well, guess what. If someone is intimidating, you can't get close to them and you can't meet them. If you're arrogant, no one wants to know who you are, because they're thinking, "This person is going to throw his own horn, talk about all the great things they've done, and it's never gonna take a moment to meet me." Don't be arrogant.9. Leonard: "Ryan, I am taking control of this article right now." See how intimidating it is? When a conversation is taken, people think, "What is going on, who are you, where do you come from? Why are you leading this conversation? When you're out there having conversations, you're distrusting everyone else. When you lie to others, they'll get your ass. Some people think that Leonard is a quiet guy, but after meeting him, a lot of what he's doing is listening to you with the intent to make sure he understands who he's talking to. This makes you a very effective communicator, even if you're not saying much. 10. You, Brag. Have you ever seen rapper 2 Chainz? He's got two chains around his neck. He's bragging all the time. He is walking around, just being like, "Look, I don't have a chain, I have two chains." If you're someone who brags all the time, guess what. When are you gonna talk about the good things that others are doing? People will stop listening to you if all you talk about is your achievements. I know Leonard for a while and I realize that when he comes up, he always acts like a normal person. No one knows their achievements at that time, but when they look at it, they are like, "Wow, I am so impressed."11. You're just worried about your ultimate goal. We all have final goals. I want to become a recognized international speaker who travels around the world, helping people find and share their own voices. Leonard wants to help others learn the art of the personal brand. Have you ever met the only ones focused on their final goal? They'll take down whatever it takes to get there. Bullshit, cheat, manipulated, steal, whatever. Next thing you know, they can or may not end the ultimate goal, but they've ruined every relationship along the way. They know each other like this criminal, this trash, this is it. They're on top, but they're absolutely miserable, they don't have friends, and they cry at night alone in their bed because nobody wants anything to do with them. How to Win OverNow people who know what they don't do, let's discuss what you should do to win people. Be HumbleThe first thing to do is be humble. When you're humble, people come to you and want to talk to you and ask you more questions. They're really more interested in what you have to say. On social networks, there is something called "hunting frail", which Leonard gave details in depth. You saw that guy taking pictures with his Ferrari. You've seen people in their crazy mansions. You've seen people in loading suits scandalously at crazy parties, doing crazy things – that's not being humble. Being humble is going to come out and be yourself, talking about your real life experiences and how you overcome your struggles. Be honest. Next thing is to be honest. You can't go out and be humble unless you're honest too. Telling your stories in an honest way, you can relate and connect with people. If the only stories you have are of fame, fortune, success, and inspiration, you will not relate to all who speak. In fact, it will only relate to those who are already rich and successful, but more often than not, people may not feel this way about themselves and will be rejected by their words. Put it down. According to his direct Twitter messages, Leonard receives an average of 200-300 messages a day. And within those messages, there are a handful of publications and journalists who are trying to draw Leonard's attention to covering his experience. Most of these people are coming and asking for help. If they paid it instead, when they went, "Hey, Leonard, what could I help you with," the possibilities are, they could get what they wanted. Often, Leonard is attracted to people who approach him, trying to understand how they can help him first. If you need or don't help, this approach is more effective to get your attention. Adam Fairhead of , embodies the payment-it-forward approach. When they first met, Adam asked Leonard what was his greatest struggle, and at that time, Leonard needed help to develop an funnel. This simple approach to the offer to help first helped Adam to be presented by Leonard. Adam's ability to offer help first put him in good favors with Leonard and made him stand out. I'm excited to hear any other suggestion for what I don't do, as well as things to do to increase the possibilities of building better relationships. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below! View moreWritten by Ryan Foland is a power speaker, a podcast host and a consultant who teaches executives how to build their personal brands. Your 3-1-3® Method discovers the basic brand message to guide custom content marketing strategies. Ryan has given 4 TEDx talks and has been presented in Inc., Entrepreneur, Forbes, Fortune, and more. His award-winning book, getting rid of the law, teaches you how to move on business simply by being human. To have fun, Ryan navigates, draws stick figures and raps. 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